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ESSEX HURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Basildon.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackinell".



The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.


One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying.
My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.


The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
>Fila or Burberry baseball caps
>Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
>Shell suits (female)
>White sport socks
>Rockport boots
>Any other items usually sold in Primark.
>Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.


Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.


**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?


More slurs on the indomitable inhabitants of Essex, England! (See the original item.)
Download full - FREE to download and use! (c)
(Bizarre): chav Essex Hurricane Disaster Appeal 1 ANON.htxt
D= [Jul 22, 2006]; S=3kB; T=HTML marked-up text fragment [MIME:text/html];
Aloha Earth! Aloha Earth! GeoURL L=Estd:g:0.6E,51.8N{+/-0.65,0.26}.

Rating: 50/100.

Key: D= file date of exhibit; S= size in bytes, XxY pixels, etc; T= type of exhibit; L= location/time or viewpoint of exhibit (if known).

  • chav = chavette, yob, youf, townie, scally, ned, kev, spide, charver, uncouth, scum, white trash, eurotrash, trailer trash, common, vulgar = From Wikipedia: "...[British] person with fashions such as flashy "bling" jewellery and counterfeit designer clothes, an uneducated, impoverished background, a tendency to congregate around places such as fast-food outlets or other shopping areas, and a culture of antisocial behaviour..."

About This Category

A collection of the bizarre, the funny, the unlikely and the just plain stupid at the suggestion of BG!

And here's a site of really weird images!

Some Similar Exhibits

ThumbnailExhibit Name
Thumbnail[has location information] chav crimbo tawdry gift 1 ANON.jpg (Bizarre)

  • chav = chavette, yob, youf, townie, scally, ned, kev, spide, charver, uncouth, scum, white trash, eurotrash, trailer trash, common, vulgar
  • chav crimbo = Christmas
  • chav crimbo tawdry = cheap, nasty, tatty, tat, tasteless, gaudy, tacky

Thumbnail[has location information] chav crimbo 1 ANON.jpg (Bizarre)

  • chav = chavette, yob, youf, townie, scally, ned, kev, spide, charver, uncouth, scum, white trash, eurotrash, trailer trash, common, vulgar
  • chav crimbo = Christmas

Arrived over the Net by email as a lovely set of images!

 


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